Important Support-ants

B2B W4: 145/250, ***, 8 stairs/3 left

When I got separated, I decided that I didn't want to eat my way through the divorce process. I decided to only eat when hungry and until full. It forced me to deal with the emotions. I remember right when I was about to move out feeling really lonely on Mother's Day. I don't have children and my mom and I have a cordial relationship that is growing into a friendship. A tape started playing in my head about how lonely I would be, and that I don't really have any friends, and that all my friends had lives. So, to shut it up, I went through my cell phone and called every mother I knew just to say, "Happy Mother's Day".

I was surprised at the range and quantity of friends that I do have. I realized I was not alone. I was just cutting myself off from life. That's when I got in the habit of calling friends, having coffee chats, and setting up frequent lunches.

I was separated for 17 months before getting divorced (NC rules, bleh). During that time, I called on every resource available to me to keep me supported and enfolded in love. I volunteered. I called friends. I asked for a dedicated chaplain from my spiritual community. I went out with friends. I spent a lot of time in reflection and listening to India Arie. I even sent my ex's phone number to 3 girlfriends so I couldn't call him.

I became vulnerable, but authentic. I had to let myself out and I emerged whole.

Part of losing the weight is losing all the protection that I have. I erroneously think that I can protect myself if I appear to have it together, but it's the other way around. I must be vulnerable to be authentic. I must share myself openly and honestly if I want to be genuinely supported.

Yesterday I let a little me out and I received a wallop of cheers from LTer4ever, Brandi, Kud, Scale Junkie, Felicia, and Sherre. Thank you for all the support :-)