Mindful Living

B2B W4: 280/250, ******, 18 stairs/-2 left

Oops! I guess I have to add 2 flights of stairs today and I can't have anymore white stuff. I'm determined to have a 7 star week.

I tell you what. Losing weight takes a lot of concentration, vigilance, and dedication. Last night I went to Starbuck's for a pick me up, mellow, comforting latte. I just wanted to chill. I got the tall (small) sugar free vanilla latte with 2% milk. I usually get the grande cinammon dolce latte with a slice of the pumpkin loaf. YUM!!! I recalled the no whites deal and got a packet of cashews instead. Good choice you say.

Cashews are a weakness of mine, like coffee ice cream. Such foods are no longer allowed in my house, but I can have them when I'm out because I eat it and it's gone. The cashew packet read 150 calories per one ounce serving which I quickly calculated as 3 points. For those who don't know, 1 point is approximately 50 calories. EXCEPT I didn't calculate the fat part of the points.

Prepared to take the 9 point hit, I enjoyed every scrumpcious cashew while sipping on my latte and chatting with DBF on the plush purple chaise. It was indulging. Imagine my sense of outrage when I plugged in the cashews to find that it was 12.5 points for that 3 ounce bag! AHHHHH!!!!

You know why I'm so outraged. I guess it's the sticker shock.

At any rate, I still had a glut of Flex points and all of my activity points, so it was fine.

You've got to pay attention if you want to lose weight. This isn't really a bad thing. So much of ourselves is on autopilot. We eat mindlessly. We watch television mindlessly. We sit in church mindlessly. Even when we are exerting ourselves with exercise, we want it to be numbing and mindless. We want the time to just pass by.

Losing weight is teaching me to be more mindful and present. Interesting side effect, isn't it?

1000 Minutes!!!

B2B W4: 235/250, *****, 15 stairs/0 left

One thousand tirty five to be exact. Seventeen and one quarter hours. Fifty one and three quarter miles.

I did it!!!

I crossed the 1000 minute mark today sweating it out on the elliptical machine. I did intervals today for the ENTIRE workout. 4/1 and 10/4 intervals. It is a triumph for my mind, moreso than my body. It means I CAN do it.

Goodness Me

B2B W4: 190/250, ****, 12 stairs/2 left

Scale Junkie challenged us to right 10 positive things about ourselves, so here goes:

1. I'm a great teacher and facilitator of adult classes and groups.
   
2. I'm good at my job as a technical translator.
   
3. I'm a good spiritual coach and I'm getting better.
   
4. I am joyful.
   
5. I can see the big picture and place people and tasks where they fit.
   
6. I achieve my goals.
   
7. I spread peace and joy wherever I go.
   
8. I am a loving and generous daughter, aunt, sister, girlfriend, and friend.
   
9. I giggle a LOT.
   
10. My body is beautiful, curvaceous, and sensual
    

I felt so self conscious bragging about myself up there. Why are we so hesitant to acknowledge our Goodness?

Important Support-ants

B2B W4: 145/250, ***, 8 stairs/3 left

When I got separated, I decided that I didn't want to eat my way through the divorce process. I decided to only eat when hungry and until full. It forced me to deal with the emotions. I remember right when I was about to move out feeling really lonely on Mother's Day. I don't have children and my mom and I have a cordial relationship that is growing into a friendship. A tape started playing in my head about how lonely I would be, and that I don't really have any friends, and that all my friends had lives. So, to shut it up, I went through my cell phone and called every mother I knew just to say, "Happy Mother's Day".

I was surprised at the range and quantity of friends that I do have. I realized I was not alone. I was just cutting myself off from life. That's when I got in the habit of calling friends, having coffee chats, and setting up frequent lunches.

I was separated for 17 months before getting divorced (NC rules, bleh). During that time, I called on every resource available to me to keep me supported and enfolded in love. I volunteered. I called friends. I asked for a dedicated chaplain from my spiritual community. I went out with friends. I spent a lot of time in reflection and listening to India Arie. I even sent my ex's phone number to 3 girlfriends so I couldn't call him.

I became vulnerable, but authentic. I had to let myself out and I emerged whole.

Part of losing the weight is losing all the protection that I have. I erroneously think that I can protect myself if I appear to have it together, but it's the other way around. I must be vulnerable to be authentic. I must share myself openly and honestly if I want to be genuinely supported.

Yesterday I let a little me out and I received a wallop of cheers from LTer4ever, Brandi, Kud, Scale Junkie, Felicia, and Sherre. Thank you for all the support :-)

Fear

B2B W4: 100/250, **, 5 stairs
B2B W3 WI: -1.4lbs
Total Weight Loss: -6.2lbs

From 2003 to present, I have undergone a series of life changes that rocked my self confidence to the core. Prior to 2003, I was an over-achiever. I would set big audacious goals and hit them right out of the park. My life was on track. (If there is a track.) Between September 11th and 2003, I had some crisis of conscience. I don't know what to really call it. After that, I started to question everything in my life and little by little (or humongous by humongous), I reconstructed my life. I quit my job. I got a divorce. I moved. I made a career move that pretty much insured that my "career" in that field is over.

In the process, I grew less and less sure of my decisions, and more and more afraid that I was screwing up my life big time. After a while, I dared not set any big audacious goals. It was as if I was rebuilding me. That's why my declaration of a weight goal is so important to me. It's why getting those stars and racking up the minutes is important. I am slowly regaining my confidence in myself.

I entered into a relationship late last year and this guy has not glimpsed the sure, confident person I was prior to 2003. He only knows the timid post-2003 girl.

I want my sure, bold, courageous self BACK!!! I am reclaiming me!

Photo by Daniel.

Booyah!!!

B2B W3: 250/250, ******, -1/14 stairs

Look at those stars! I love this stairs for starch program. I only ate 3 whites this week. That is soooooo cool! One more stair when I go to lunch.

I got my workout on yesterday evening AND this morning. Yesterday was just a get it done day. At the end of the day the gym was packed. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 35 on the treadmill. I had to wait around a while. This morning: 45 minutes on the treadmill, arms swinging, on the hills, 2.8 mph. Yeah baby!

The best thing about accomplishing a goal is learning to trust yourself. Every time I hit my weekly exercise minute target it sends a message to my psyche that I CAN be trusted. The stars let me know that I DO have what it takes. The stairs show me that I AM loveable. It looks like it's just numbers and my physical health, but it's restoring my mental and spiritual health as well.

Exercise in Jeopardy

B2B W3: 150/250, *****, -3/7 stairs

The gym had a delayed open again today. Dang it, dang it, dan!!!

I got there to see the halls darkened. I considered walking around the neighborhood, but it was too damn cold. I also considered the Walk Away the Pounds again, but it was too late and the muscles that I discovered yesterday are still talking to me. I'm going to have to go this evening. It's closing at 8PM. I HATE going to the gym after work. I'm so pissed and irritable by that point.

Oh well, enough griping.

On the upside, I see that I need some variety and alternatives for exercise. So, I'm asking you, what are your favorite workout CD's? Does anyone know of an effective hip hop, salsa, or bellydancing CD?

Photo by Kate:-)