Fear

B2B W4: 100/250, **, 5 stairs
B2B W3 WI: -1.4lbs
Total Weight Loss: -6.2lbs

From 2003 to present, I have undergone a series of life changes that rocked my self confidence to the core. Prior to 2003, I was an over-achiever. I would set big audacious goals and hit them right out of the park. My life was on track. (If there is a track.) Between September 11th and 2003, I had some crisis of conscience. I don't know what to really call it. After that, I started to question everything in my life and little by little (or humongous by humongous), I reconstructed my life. I quit my job. I got a divorce. I moved. I made a career move that pretty much insured that my "career" in that field is over.

In the process, I grew less and less sure of my decisions, and more and more afraid that I was screwing up my life big time. After a while, I dared not set any big audacious goals. It was as if I was rebuilding me. That's why my declaration of a weight goal is so important to me. It's why getting those stars and racking up the minutes is important. I am slowly regaining my confidence in myself.

I entered into a relationship late last year and this guy has not glimpsed the sure, confident person I was prior to 2003. He only knows the timid post-2003 girl.

I want my sure, bold, courageous self BACK!!! I am reclaiming me!

Photo by Daniel.

Booyah!!!

B2B W3: 250/250, ******, -1/14 stairs

Look at those stars! I love this stairs for starch program. I only ate 3 whites this week. That is soooooo cool! One more stair when I go to lunch.

I got my workout on yesterday evening AND this morning. Yesterday was just a get it done day. At the end of the day the gym was packed. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 35 on the treadmill. I had to wait around a while. This morning: 45 minutes on the treadmill, arms swinging, on the hills, 2.8 mph. Yeah baby!

The best thing about accomplishing a goal is learning to trust yourself. Every time I hit my weekly exercise minute target it sends a message to my psyche that I CAN be trusted. The stars let me know that I DO have what it takes. The stairs show me that I AM loveable. It looks like it's just numbers and my physical health, but it's restoring my mental and spiritual health as well.

Exercise in Jeopardy

B2B W3: 150/250, *****, -3/7 stairs

The gym had a delayed open again today. Dang it, dang it, dan!!!

I got there to see the halls darkened. I considered walking around the neighborhood, but it was too damn cold. I also considered the Walk Away the Pounds again, but it was too late and the muscles that I discovered yesterday are still talking to me. I'm going to have to go this evening. It's closing at 8PM. I HATE going to the gym after work. I'm so pissed and irritable by that point.

Oh well, enough griping.

On the upside, I see that I need some variety and alternatives for exercise. So, I'm asking you, what are your favorite workout CD's? Does anyone know of an effective hip hop, salsa, or bellydancing CD?

Photo by Kate:-)

What's A Gal To Do?

B2B W3: 150/250, ****, 1/6 stairs

Wow! This stairs for starch program is working out really well. Last night I wanted 3 cookies, but I didn't have any stairs, so I just had almonds instead. I used the stairs on Monday evening for ice cream.

Yesterday, we had a snow day. The gym was closed. The great news was that I got a chance to watch the inauguration. I was so excited. I volunteered with the campaign and it was my life for 6 months. I didn't think I had any more excitement in me, but it was great to see the President say the difficult things and still work to knit the country and the world together. Amazing really!

This morning I trudged through some ice to get to the gym only to discover it was closed. I ended up dusting off my Walk Away the Pounds DVD. You know, it's interesting that I can do 45 minutes on the elliptical, but 15 minutes into the 3 mile DVD I was panting and complaining about my butt and groin muscles. It was a good reminder to mix it up and get different muscles engaged.

Stay Satisfied

B2B W3: 100/250, **, 5 stairs
B2B W2 WI: -2.2lbs
Total Weight Loss: -4.8lbs

Stay satisfied. That's what I learned last week with the discovery of the poor planning panic, and journaling about removing the white stuff from my diet.

Stay satisfied. That was the mantra at the meeting this week. AND, as the Universe knows me so well, it was also the week 3 material that I received (Staying Ahead of Hunger).

So, I'll take heed.

I'm going to allow myself to swap 5 stairs (up and down) for 1 white starch. I like to think of it as the stairs for starch program:-)

That will allow me to train myself to eat wholesome, nutritious food. It will train me to treat treats as, well, treats. Let's see if I can make an on plan week with this allowance.

No White Substances

B2B W2: 280/250, --**--

No, not that white substance, no, wait, I didn't mean it that way. Oh forget it! What I mean is no white flour, sugar, rice, or potatoes. No sugar at all.

I see the reasoning behind this, and indeed, I've witnessed it. The brown starches are more filling. They're not filling in a bloaty way. They are filling in a stick to the ribs way. Because of that, you don't need as much.

No white stuff is one of my criteria for an on plan day, but I'm having the hardest time with it. Every off plan day has been because of a small quantity of white stuff. I believe my mind is rebelling because it has a restriction. I've contemplated giving myself some flexibility with this requirement, but where does that end. I'm thinking about being able to trade 10 stairs for one white indulgence.

If it's just a matter of calories in must be fewer than calories out, I'm on track. However, for long term success, I want to change the types of food I eat. I want to, as a rule, eat wholesome, nourishing foods. I don't want 3 sugar free cookies to turn into pelau on Monday, roti on Tuesday, hamburger on Wednesday, pasta on Thursday, and sweet and sour chicken on Friday, just because I have the points for it. This behaviour is not sustainable.

So, the question is, how do I get my mind and my body in the habit of choosing wholesome, nourishing food 95% of the time?

That's Right I SAID It

B2B W2: 235/250, --**-

My goal weight is 135 lbs. There, I said it.

I hedged declaring a goal weight because I'm afraid I'm not going to make it. I tried so many times before. I made grand declarations. I tracked, and intuited. I counted calories, points, and food exchanges. I cut flour and sugar, and I also ate in moderation. I did cardio and I did strength training. I exercised in a gym, and did regular walks to work. I did group challenges and I prodded along alone. I tried all the combinations. Each time I lost some of the weight, 20, 30, even 40lbs, but I didn't go the distance. Each time I declared 135 lbs to be my goal.

What's going to be different this time?

I'm hoping that this time is different because I'm changing the way I eat.

I'm hoping that this time is different because exercise is going to be incorporated into my routine.

I'm hoping this time is different because I'm finally willing to make the "lifestyle" change.

It is going to require that I eat differently. It's going to require that I become active. Notice I didn't say "more" active. I need to become active. Exercise is now a requirement of my life. It always was. I just didn't see it that way. It is going to require that I change my thinking from exercise is something that's extra, to exercise is like taking a shower every day. It's just what I do. I'm going to have to change my mind about the foods I consider filling and comfortable. I'm even going to have to change what I consider hunger. I'm going to have to change it from the ravenous feeling to the oh-oh-we're-starting-to-run-low-on-fuel feeling. It is going to require that I change my paradigm about my body. I am going to have to start treating my body at least as well as I would treat a brand new car. I need to give it the fuel it needs.

The difference this time is that I know what it takes AND I'm willing to do it...at least, for today :-)