Fear

B2B W4: 100/250, **, 5 stairs
B2B W3 WI: -1.4lbs
Total Weight Loss: -6.2lbs

From 2003 to present, I have undergone a series of life changes that rocked my self confidence to the core. Prior to 2003, I was an over-achiever. I would set big audacious goals and hit them right out of the park. My life was on track. (If there is a track.) Between September 11th and 2003, I had some crisis of conscience. I don't know what to really call it. After that, I started to question everything in my life and little by little (or humongous by humongous), I reconstructed my life. I quit my job. I got a divorce. I moved. I made a career move that pretty much insured that my "career" in that field is over.

In the process, I grew less and less sure of my decisions, and more and more afraid that I was screwing up my life big time. After a while, I dared not set any big audacious goals. It was as if I was rebuilding me. That's why my declaration of a weight goal is so important to me. It's why getting those stars and racking up the minutes is important. I am slowly regaining my confidence in myself.

I entered into a relationship late last year and this guy has not glimpsed the sure, confident person I was prior to 2003. He only knows the timid post-2003 girl.

I want my sure, bold, courageous self BACK!!! I am reclaiming me!

Photo by Daniel.

That's Right I SAID It

B2B W2: 235/250, --**-

My goal weight is 135 lbs. There, I said it.

I hedged declaring a goal weight because I'm afraid I'm not going to make it. I tried so many times before. I made grand declarations. I tracked, and intuited. I counted calories, points, and food exchanges. I cut flour and sugar, and I also ate in moderation. I did cardio and I did strength training. I exercised in a gym, and did regular walks to work. I did group challenges and I prodded along alone. I tried all the combinations. Each time I lost some of the weight, 20, 30, even 40lbs, but I didn't go the distance. Each time I declared 135 lbs to be my goal.

What's going to be different this time?

I'm hoping that this time is different because I'm changing the way I eat.

I'm hoping that this time is different because exercise is going to be incorporated into my routine.

I'm hoping this time is different because I'm finally willing to make the "lifestyle" change.

It is going to require that I eat differently. It's going to require that I become active. Notice I didn't say "more" active. I need to become active. Exercise is now a requirement of my life. It always was. I just didn't see it that way. It is going to require that I change my thinking from exercise is something that's extra, to exercise is like taking a shower every day. It's just what I do. I'm going to have to change my mind about the foods I consider filling and comfortable. I'm even going to have to change what I consider hunger. I'm going to have to change it from the ravenous feeling to the oh-oh-we're-starting-to-run-low-on-fuel feeling. It is going to require that I change my paradigm about my body. I am going to have to start treating my body at least as well as I would treat a brand new car. I need to give it the fuel it needs.

The difference this time is that I know what it takes AND I'm willing to do it...at least, for today :-)