What Makes A Good Week?

B2B W8: 50/250, **, 0 stairs
B2B W7 WI: +1.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: -10.6lbs

This week I gained 1.8 lbs. I was expecting it after last week's 5.4 loss. However, I ate and exercised to reinforce the notion that I would gain. The mind is an interesting ball of yarn.

This week is already shaping up to be better. I usually have a field day on the weekends. I did eat some Flex points, but I didn't go wild. I did not, however, get any exercise in. I've found a few things to be key to my weight loss.

First, exercising 6 days a week is great. If I can even take a 30 minute walk that's even better. The key is to be active.

Second, when I exercise, I must make it count. That means upping the intensity on the elliptical and upping the inclines and pace on the treadmill.

Third, I must eat, and I must eat well. Lyn at Escape from Obesity said it well in her post about produce. I must eat tons of fruit and vegetables. I'm not a fruit fan, so I have to get the veggies in (about 7 servings/day). 7 Servings is not the official number, but I find I do much better with at least 7 servings. Basically, it must become very natural for me to go for veggies at every meal.

Fourth, eating wholesome food is best. In addition to lots of veggies, eating whole grains, and lean meat is best. This, again, is not rocket science, but it's a huge change in the way I treat food.

Fifth, I must diligently work on convincing my brain that healthy, wholesome food is nourishing and tasty. I must also convince my brain that the PRIMARY purpose for food is nourishment. I only eat when I'm hungry now, but the mood I'm in dictates the food I eat. I would like the food I eat to be dictated first by the level of nourishment and fuel my body will receive.

The Spirited Part

B2B W7: 275/250, ****-*, 8 stairs

Just a note to let my readers know that I'm good. This blog is mostly for my expression. It's my place to babble, contemplate, and really work through all the crap that's going on in my head. I find that when I write, things become a lot clearer. Usually, if you read through the end of a post, you'll find that I'm all over it. It's just a place where I can write until I come to peace with a situation.

It might help if I explain how I believe life works. I believe that we create our lives with our thoughts. It's a belief that I grew up with. I didn't just adopt it in the past couple of years with the advent of the Law of Attraction craze. Anyway, in 2003 when I reached burnout with my job, I realized that my life was out of alignment with what I professed to hold dear. From that point on I've been consciously working on getting my life in alignment with what I say I hold dear or, in other words, changing my thoughts, beliefs, and actions. It's been an interesting journey.

I also believe that God/Spirit/Consciousness/Well-Being is expressing through us all the time. Our thoughts, a better word would be beliefs, shapes and tints that expression. I've proven this true often enough that when I see an incongruency between what I'm experiencing and what I think I believe, I dig deeper.

Along with examining my beliefs, I've decided that I want certain things in my life. These things are not in conflict with the constant expression of God. In fact, they are the manifestation of Good. (Caveat: I always leave room for my intention or better as I'm not currently aware of all that is going on in the Universe.) Back to the plot. I've learned that in order to achieve these things, or express more God, I need to clarify my beliefs. That takes a combination of forgiveness, facing fear, examining beliefs, opening to Spirit, and so on.

My focus this year on health requires the actions of eating healthy, wholesome foods, and exercising. These actions are what I like to call inspired actions. Inspired actions are the natural steps taken once you are clear. It's like the natural progression of things. On the spiritual side (this is just a euphemism, I don't think there are distinct aspects of ourselves), manifesting health is expressing God as Life.

One other interesting thing I've learned about expressing an aspect of God: God is indivisible. So I can't single out expressing God as Life. When I seek to express more of God as Life, I automatically express more God as Substance, Joy, Peace, Love, and, in general, Good. Hence the natural desiring of other intentions.

Help!!! Sabotage!

B2B W7: 165/250, ****-, 8 stairs

What the heck is wrong with me?!!!

Last night I decided to have Chick-Fil-A. Thinking that I would be way over points, I decided to not finish eating my veggies, AND have some sugar free cookies when I got home. Well. Jokes on me! Had I just used that nifty gadget I got the other day called a Blackjack, I could have logged into WW mobile, calculated my points, and known that I was fine and I didn't need to throw in the blasted towel.

I was still under points, but because I didn't eat my wonderful baby carrots which were in my bag at the movie theatre (no popcorn either, just deprivation), I was off plan. What kind of head trip is that!!!!!!!

Not only did I do that. Then I decided to say to hell with all of it, with, get this, 3 sugar free cookies. Way to be a rebel Nneka!!!

This morning I slept through the gym because as far as I knew there was no salvation. Never fear, by the hook or the crook I'll be going this evening.

Why do I do this?!!! This is sabotage. I didn't know what it was before, but I see it in living color now. SABOTAGE!

I think it was spending all that time yesterday coming up with goals. My mind must think they're poison. How did it get this way? AND, more important, what do I have to do to convince it that it's okay to have goals AND achieve them. I think I'm afraid that people will expect something from me. I don't know WHAT the deal is. Now that I've found it lurking in the corners, rest assured, I'm going to get to the bottom of it. I intend to achieve my goals.

I think it's the threat of falling from a pedestal. Or maybe it's the expectations that people will have of me. "She was able to do xyz, so let's give her xyz2." Everyone else thinks I can do it, but they don't really know. A friend of mine calls it the fraud complex. You're afraid of being found out so you fly under the radar. Just good enough to get the job done and the occasional kudos, but not exemplary so you have to be an example to someone else.

Damn! I really think I'm onto something here. After the 5.4lb loss, I can marginally eat and get by and either maintain or gain. Then I can say, "Oh well, I'm just a mere mortal." Man, how does this stuff seep into my psyche.

I'm afraid to want, afraid to go for it. I'm afraid of falling from grace. I'm afraid of not being normal. I still want to fit in even though I claim to be someone who doesn't care what people think. It's not fitting in in the clothes or talk sense. It's fitting in in the achievement sense. I can't be too good, who will my peers be? Where will I belong? I can hear the goody two shoes taunts in my head. Under-achievement is a survival mechanism for a girl who's taunted on the school grounds or the teen who had her bag stolen on the first day in a foreign school, but it's a hindrance to the woman with big dreams and ideas who has great things to offer the world. There is no room for me to play small. It's detrimental to everyone.

The mind is an interesting thing. It's like a ball of yarn that a cat has been playing with. It's not simple. At one point, I thought I had to be Miss Perfect. I had to retrain myself to be authentic and vulnerable. I usually do things all or nothing, but even when I go all I don't go all the way. This was a problem before the 2003 burnout and after. Before it was just not wanting to be the over achiever. Since 2003 it's been fear of burning out again and of falling short. All of this stuff is mixed up together. It won't be a straight line to unravel it, but I am committed to doing the work because I want an exemplary life. Sometimes that does mean being an example. I know I'm one now, even if I don't have the label.

Goals, Goals, Goals

B2B W7: 165/250, ****, 8 stairs

Last night I was an evaluator at my Toastmaster's club after being away for over 6 months. As the meeting proceeded, I kept thinking to myself, "Why don't I do more of this?"

On Monday I met with a friend for lunch and we were discussing what I'm going to do with my life. She asked me what happened to my blog (Balanced Life Center). I said I stopped writing over 6 months ago. She asked why, and for the life of me all I could conjure was the pitiful, "I don't have time" excuse.

Every morning when I go to the gym I come home feeling exhilarated and infused with energy. For about a year I walked to work and back, a 1 hour round trip. I loved it. Why did I stop?

I could blame the relationship that I started with amazing DBF around the time of the pauses. Or I could blame it on the continuing education classes that I'm taking in preparation for ministerial school. I can blame it on my job. In the end though, what it boils down to are my priorities.

A few years ago, I broke myself out of the habit of saying that I don't have enough time or money. What I changed it to was that at this time I choose not to spend my time/money that way? It was a very empowering switch. It caused me to examine what I was choosing to spend my time/money on, and in many cases I simply stopped doing what was not beneficial and started doing what was. I also started to do high yielding activities.

For example, I started walking to work instead of carving out time to "exercise" because I wanted to get active in general. I wanted activity to be a part of my life. I also reaped tremendous mental capacity and wellness from walking to and from work. I felt like I owned the city. I became more extraverted. And I got the bonus of exercise.

I can manage a lot if I leverage my time and do the things that I enjoy. Instead of feeling drained and exhausted by mindless, tasking activities, I feel refreshed when I do the things that I love. I dedicated this year to working on my body, almost to the exclusion of everything else because I recognize that it takes focus. However, I won't put my life on hold for one aspect of it. There are a few things I need to accomplish in the next few years and even more that I want to accomplish.

Things I Want to Achieve by December 2010

1. Develop a healthy, lean, flexible, svelt body that weighs 135 lbs
2. Run a half marathon
   
3. Complete SEE classes
   
4. Achieve Toastmaster's Advanced Communicator Bronze
   
5. Achieve Toastmaster's Competent Leader
   
6. Generate 30,000 pageviews/month on Balanced Life Center
   
7. Maintain zero balances on credit cards
   
8. Save $10,000
   
9. Visit 2 US cities that I've not yet visited
   
10. Visit one country I've not yet visited
    
11. Go to Trinidad for Carnival
    
12. Become a US citizen
    

In addition to the above list of goals, I would like to:

• Express and experience more God
  
• Teach one spiritual education class per quarter
  
• Enjoy authentic, loving, soulful relationships
  
• Attend a New Thought or BlogHer conference
• Fix my teeth
  

What does all of this have to do with weight loss? Well, in short, I am getting clearer on the direction I'd like my life to take. I have found in the past that as my body shrinks, my life gets bigger. I gain confidence and assuredness (not certain that's a word). I become steadfast. As I am able to meet any commitment that I make to myself, whether it be eating healthy, or exercising, or meditating daily, I begin to trust myself to make bigger and bigger commitments. My life opens up. This is a wonderful side effect of the year of the body.

B2B Challenge Review

B2B W7: 115/250, **, 3 stairs

Wow! Week 7 of the Back to Basics Challenge! Halfway through my minutes. Eating on plan has been sketchy and the definition changed a few times. I'm comfortable with where it is now. I'm tempted to make this more complicated with a points system to keep it interesting. Funny how I can get "bored" with something in just 6 weeks.

There are some things I would like to push to do. They're mostly in the arena of increasing my exercise intensity. I would like to be able to walk at 3.2 miles per hour on hills going into the 3rd quarter of the year. That's when I start C25K. I can push myself of the elliptical really easy, but on the treadmill, I'm a wuss at 2.8 mph. I really want to be able to run, but I HATE the treadmill. The B2B challenge is just about building good habits. The next challenge will be about doing it well.

Yes, I could walk on the track at the gym, but machines are callibrated and I can tell how fast I'm going and I can make them make me go faster. When I'm freestyle walking, it's very difficult for me to up my intensity, unless I'm going from walking to running. Over long (and I do mean looooong) periods I can see my time improve, but nothing beats upping the intensity on a machine and going faster or harder and knowing it.

I'm really looking forward to adding strength training in the next challenge and I almost want to jump the gun on it. When I created the challenges back in December, I thought I would to the Body For Life strength training routine because it seems to be the most comprehensive. If you know of another really structured plan that's simpler, please let me know. I'm thinking of just doing 3 sets of 12 reps on each machine alternating with upper body and lower body days, one machine per muscle group. I like the idea of keeping my workout pace up, but I don't know what's meant by keeping the pace up. I'm not into expensive equipment so I won't get a heart rate monitor.

Also, at the beginning of this challenge, I set the reward of going to the hairdresser if I have a complete on plan week and did my minutes. Getting my minutes in has been relatively easy. I've only had one on plan week and I didn't take the reward for that week as it was also the week I gained .2 lbs and I was fuming.

Picture by Andy Shaffer

The Numbers

B2B W7: 65/250, *, 0 stairs
B2B W6 WI: -5.4lbs
Total Weight Loss: -12.4lbs

This week I lost an astounding 5.4 lbs, bringing my total weight loss to 12.4 lbs which is 10% of the weight I have left to lose to get to goal. I did 65 minutes of exercise yesterday bring my total to 1650 which is half of the minutes for my first 13-week challenge.

Oh, the numbers of fitness, health, and weight loss! I love 'em!

Quite a departure from a few weeks ago isn't it. Yes, this is a testament to how life controls our emotions as opposed to the other way around. We find if very difficult to live from the inside out, rather than react from the outside.

A Bit Under The Weather

B2B W6: 250/250, *-***, 8 stairs

I can't even believe I got to the gym today and did 50 minutes on the elliptical. I'm feeling a bit under the weather and, usually, at the first hint of a cold, I get punkish. I use it as an excuse not to do anything. Also usually, at the first hint of a cold, I get very protective of my chest as I have asthma. The last time I disregarded a cold I ended up in the hospital overnight. Since then I've been overly cautious. But this time, my body is achy and I'm coughing, but my chest is clear. So, because of that, I've put myself in the fine enough to get to work, therefore workout, category. However, the last time I had this achy, nothing wrong with my chest, but I feel like shit feeling, I had strep...So, you never know.

At any rate, a bit under the weather is how I'll describe it for now.